


Loss and Gain

by KittyFartingBubbles



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3355298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyFartingBubbles/pseuds/KittyFartingBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But you don't sound deaf!" Was what left Jackson's mouth in a disbelieving tone.<br/>"I'm glad I don't need to hear to show you this." And like that a middle finger was shoved on Jackson's face, followed by the muffled laugh of those around him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loss and Gain

**Author's Note:**

> I did research for this, but there is some facts that I twinkled to my liking, overall Cochlear Implant does not restore ones hearing completely and people say some of the noises are almost robotic. In this I just, well, took that not so in line. Lets hope one day we can have a cure!   
> Also posted on Aff, hope you like it c:

 

_It did not start the best way with them..._

 

 

" _But you don't sound deaf!" Was what left Jackson's mouth in a disbelieving tone._

 

 

_"I'm glad I don't need to hear to show you this." And like that a middle finger was shoved on Jackson's face, followed by the muffled laugh of those around him._

 

 

_On the other side, with a scowl written on his face, Mark changes his mind that, no, Jackson is not adorable. He is an asshole... okay, a good looking asshole, he reasons later that night before bed, but still an asshole._

 

 

_Next week when Mark was dragged, literally dragged, to the movies he decided that maybe Jackson wasn't that bad, and maybe he could forgive him, because the way Jackson was wiping at his eyes and insisted he wasn't crying was pretty endearing. Now if he just could forgive Yugyeom for making him watch 'Frozen' was another different topic, even if it was the only movie with caps, Mark liked a bit of more action on movies. _

 

 

 

 

Mark grew up with normal hearing, until he had a hearing test as a toddler. His parents started to wander if something was wrong when most of the time he did not respond quite well to sounds. He was diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and, unfortunately for them, the news were not good, the doctors had no idea what caused his deafness. They predicted it was degenerative, and would worsen over the years. 

 

 

By the age of five he was wearing hearing aids all the time, and by six he lost his hearing completely. Mark his now a 19 year old, and his hearing was at a wretched 20% with hearing aids. In the middle of such bad luck, he did got the gold coin, he had six years of hearing sounds. His voice patterns were set and most memory of sounds carried through time with him. Knocking on the door, a dog barking, the whispering of his parents through the bed time stories. The same can be said for Jaebum, his cries are ingrained on Mark's brain and he can only hope that his friend grow out of those annoying wails when things did not go his way! 

 

 

Sign language could be a blessing, but when Mark was the one teaching it to Jackson, he just wanted to chop the younger to little pieces and feed him to the alligators.

 

 

_"Stop yawning." Mark write down and trow the paper at Jackson, rather unremorsefully. Jackson turned away from him with a pout and closed his eyes._

 

 

_"Jackson!" Said person jumped as Mark kicked him, hard, under the table. "Pay attention, you are such a child!"_

 

 

_"But this is so hard and boring." Mark managed to read out of Jackson's lips._

 

 

_"So why do you want to learn it?" Mark asked, curiosity feeling him in._

 

 

_"Because, I want to be able to talk to you easily." Jackson fingers moved clumsily making odd twists._

 

 

_"Jackson, do you want to know what you just signed? You better feel relieved that I can read lips..." It took around four months for Jackson to be able to use sign language without the worry of him being beaten._

 

 

 

It is hard being deaf. He can’t hear his alarm clock in the morning, he uses a phone but only for texting. With hearing aids, people’s voices are muffled so he lip reads. Mark can’t hear his own footsteps or his own voice and that is the weirdest feeling. 

 

Yes it is hard, but sometime he actually likes it. Walking down a busy street; or been in a noisy room with stupid Jinyoung who brings you to a party even if he can't hear the music, the light his to dim to read lips and they suck at sign language; the annoying voice ( Mark swears that with that face and features he as to have a very annoying high pitch voice) of Jackson. 

 

Ever wanted to stop all the noise? Well, he can! It’s the best thing about being deaf. One minute there is a racket of dysfunctional screeching coming through his hearing aids, next minute, just wonderful silence.  _ One second there's the distorted whining of Jackson looming in the air, next second, damn Mark can think again. _

 

 

_"Mark did you turn off your hearing aids again?" Jackson signs quickly, with a cute pout on his soft lips._

 

 

_Jackson is not cute, he is fucking adorable! And Jesus Mark can only bang his head on the table, because damn, Mark was getting soft and Jackson was seeping his way to his own heart, in so much more than a friendly way._

 

 

_"How can you be like that to me? I love you Mark, do you not love me back?"_

 

 

_Enough! Jackson is reading his mind and that is totally freaky, so Mark does the second best thing, he kind of kisses Jackson on the cheek and runs away to the bathroom, his face on fire!_

 

 

 

At his last appointment, the doctor brought up the topic of a cochlear implant. That Mark should though about it, how we would gain so much if he decides to do it. The only thing Mark does is staring blankly at the doctor, why the hell would he say not to this opportunity, sure it is something not to be taken lightly, and it's going to be a constant fight, but how can he say no?

 

 

 

_Jackson is bursting with happiness and what he can imagine to be loud cheers, for the look of those in the coffee shop with them, he says he wants to be the first voice that Mark is going to listen and it does not matter what he says._

 

 

_ "Because I am Jackson Wang the only one who put up with your mood swings and learn sign language for you _ . 

 

_Jackson Wang the only one suffering through our years of friendship and you own me for it!_

 

_Jackson Wang is the shit so you better do what I want or things are going to get nasty!"_

 

 

_Mark can only smile at that, and feels bad when he tells Jackson that; "Seeing I was not deaf since birth, you are not going to be the first voice I hear, but maybe you will be the most important one." Jackson ignores the way Mark cringes at his own choice of words and pulls him to a tight hug, hands rubbing his side softly and gently, mumbling something on his hear._

 

 

 

His parents fear for the pain and the things he might have to endure with the operation, but then they have the hope and happiness that Mark will be able to hear once again. It also makes Mark understand how much he relies on lip reading and ASL when his parents later on usher him back to the car. When the nurse took him to a padded room, the coldness and quietness of it making him suppress a shiver, the large speaker looking at him threateningly. It is when he feels the vibration of the sound around him, but he cannot hear it, that Mark knows, that  _ yes _ , he needs this. Most of the time he can usually hold a normal conversation with someone in a quiet room, ‘hearing’ everything that is said. But if you told him to turn away from that person, or if they held a hand up in front of their mouth… Mark would be dead and Jackson would laugh until the end of the world.

 

 

 

He was warned of the risk, how you can't use you hearing aid on the side you choose to get the implant. It may work, it may not. It can take years to recover, or maybe six months. Facial paralysis, loss of taste, dizziness, nauseous and another thousand possible complications are thrown on his face with eagerness. Mark shrugs and says he needs this, he will prepare himself and trying to maintain his hope low. 

 

 

 

But how can you do that when you have Jackson running circles around you, telling you that;  _ "God damn it Mark, don't be a sour puss!" _

 

 

_"This is not a cure Jackson. This is simply a help, almost like the way hearing aids work, not everyone performs at the same level with it. It takes time, practice and patience."_

 

 

_"It's okay to be scared. Even if you get face paralysis I will continue to be by your side! I even got you a new nickname Bulldogie! You just have to bark!"_

 

 

_Before Jackson can continue mocking him, Mark ignores his parents on the kitchen, in favor of tackling Jackson off the couch and onto the floor. Mark is pretty sure Jackson is laughing, so as revenges he repeatedly hits him in the face with a pillow, jumping up and down on his stomach._

 

 

 

His surgery date is fast approaching and the day before, Mark is watching videos about the surgery, the stories of others were helping him prepare for what is ahead. When the implant is first stimulated, one month after surgery, he will likely not be able to make sense of the sounds at first, it will be a while before sounds have meaning. He was reading the captions and paying attention to the video that, he forgot about none other than dear Jackson. Until...

 

 

 

_"Omg, this is so disgusting. They are going to open a hole in you skull." Pops up in the white sheet of Wordpad._

 

 

  _"I know, Jackson." Mark says,_ _minimizing_ _the page to look back at the video._

 

 

_"This is freaking me out. Its decided, I prefer you deaf, we are not going to do the surgery."_

 

 

_ Mark ignores Jackson and turns the volume up just to spite the other. _

 

 

_"I hope your surgeon has a steady hand."_

 

 

_"Can you fucking stop using Wordpad to tell me your stupid thoughts? I'm trying to watch this!" Mark says furiously when the white page interrupts once again the image of the video he is watching._

 

 

_"Some of your hair is going to be shaved. I want to be there when they do it so I can remind the doctor to shave it in the shape of a star, or maybe a flower!"_

 

 

 

They arrived at the hospital around 10:30am, with a clingy Jackson almost on top of Mark, squeezing his hand from minute to minute. Mark had brought a book to read, but he is a bit scared when they told them they were waiting for him and that he had to go right in at that moment. His mouth was dry and the feeling of his heart beating quickly on his chest was not one of the best feeling he had had.

 

 

So with that, Mark gives his parents a hug and whispers to Jackson an  _ "I'm really fucking nervous" after a quick kiss in the cheek and drags him to the room with him. They gave him a gown and some weird ugly socks, that had Jackson smirking at him for the longest time. _

 

 

_A nurse takes his blood pressure, weights him, check his heart rate and he has to sign all kind of forms, before they finally show him to a bed behind a curtain, where he changes. Once sitting in the bed, in the hospital gown, ready to go, the realization of what he was doing hits him. When the anesthetist comes in and introduces himself, Jackson got up and shook his hand._

 

 

_"We need to have a seriously talk. Please do not kill Mark, I've been doing research and I know that some people die under anesthetic. But either way it is a pleasure to meet you!"_

 

 

_Mark could only imagine half of what was going on, Jackson was talking at a furious speed and it was hard to lip read like that, but the look on the anesthetist was something to go for, Jackson was once again being his embarrassing self._

 

 

_After that the time passed by in a heartbeat and Mark was being told to say goodbye to Jackson. But he didn't want to, it was then that Mark started to feel like he was going to cry, because; "Damn it Jackson, why can't you come with me too? It would make things much more easier." Mark sees Jackson lips moving, in a familiar way, but so fast he can't catch what the other says._

 

 

_Just like that he was wheeled through the corridors and the last thing he remembers is asking "Do I have to count backwards from ten?" and boom, he was out._

 

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t a split second later he woke up. He woke up with a mask on, someone talking to him, his other hearing aid had been put back into his ear, and Mark was so tired, he just didn’t want to wake up, he felt like he had had the best nap ever. Minutes later his doctor appeared and told him everything had gone well, now he just needed rest. 

 

 

Mark has an implant. He waited so long for it, that it is hard to take in. But the huge bandage on his head is really and shit, shit, shit, shit, Mark actually has a cochlear implant.

 

 

_"Shit Jackson, I feel awesome! I feel great and everything was fine and I don't feel like I had surgery, and and and-" gets hugged and can't breath._

 

 

_"You had a hole on your skull, you are not going to move from that bed. Not even a centimeter, because I'm really freaked out."_

 

 

_"And and and and and" Mark mumbles and mumbles and mumbles, because in truth he simply cannot hear how freaked out Jackson is!_

 

 

 

 

The week after surgery was a breeze. He had very little discomfort and no dizziness. On the eight day his balance went awry. He couldn’t take more than a few feet without colliding into walls, or tripping over himself. The next day come the headaches, they come out of nowhere and the first time it happen it brings tears to his eyes. They don't last for long though, but they still scare Jackson to death and he is in a frenzy, pacing around him.

 

 

 

_"Look how inviting your bed his! Its calling you! It says you need rest!" So Jackson sets up the computer in the bedroom and Mark is lying down with the keyboard on his lap, mouse balancing on a book, and looking up at the screen, because it seems that his laptop had an encounter with the floor when he was in the hospital!_

 

 

_Bonus points when the tips of Jackson's fingers massage his temple, behind his ear and down his neck, trying and managing, to smooth away his headache, with every light touch, and there is Jackson again, leaning in his hear mumbling something softly._

 

 

 

 

Today the final layer of bandages comes off, and they will check if everything has healed up.

 

 

Jackson was pretty excited about it, because  _ "After 12 days you can finally wash you hair!" Mark just pretends he didn't see him signing and chooses to ignore him, because Jackson is still an asshole and Mark wants nothing more that to kick some sense into him. He does have self control and that is Jackson's luck. _

 

 

_The remaining gauze strips were covering it were peeled off, and "urgh this feels so wrong, don't pulled them out with the tweezers. How is it Jackson? Is it a big scar? Is it cool?"_

 

 

_"Dude, it looks gross!" Jackson writes down on a paper and shows it to Mark._

 

 

_Five minutes later Mark is supporting a scowl, because there was nothing there! Just a very tiny faint line in the corner of his ear. A scar would have been cool though, not a very big one, just one he could at least see without a magnifying glass. Everything is on track and the implant will be plunged in two weeks, and Mark will finally be able to hear again._

 

 

 

As the years progressed and his hearing worsened, he always thought, if it gets unbearable, he can get an implant. It was always a distant, frightening aspect of the future that maybe he could do it. It was not easy. It required a lot of planning, there were many risks, and Mark is forever grateful of those around him. 

 

 

Mark is going to be able to hear and understand the words and sounds. He wants to hear when they ask me stuff, and make comments on things, he wants to listen to music, because when Mark brings his hands to Jinyoung's throat and feels the vibration under his fingers, he wants to say to his friend that his voice his beautiful, but most of all, Mark will be able to hear Jackson, without having to read his lips, without sign language, Mark will finally make out the familiar words Jackson so fervently whispers to him. On other hand he really wants to laugh at Jackson's voice, because he as a feeling that its sounds obnoxiously and loud.

 

 

Today he receives the external processor that will translate the sounds and send the message to the electrodes implanted in his head to alert the brain that he heard something. Mark is sitting in the audiologist’s office being hooked up to the computer. They work through each electrode, moving from the lowest to the highest frequencies. Even if sometimes Mark as trouble knowing if the sound is too loud or too soft things are going smoothly.

 

 

When they reach one of the highest frequencies Mark can't help but wince. The sound almost hurts even though it is not that loud. 

 

 

“ _That’s a sound you likely have not heard in more than 13 years_.” _It takes a few minutes for this to sink in, but Mark knows that sound and his brain is reaching way back into its past auditory memory, struggling to make sense of all it's happening._

 

 

_Jackson smiles at him and signs 'bell' to him, when the doctor is not paying attention and Mark smiles, because he can hear, he can really hear and the only thing he wants to do now is kiss Jackson hard and cry, cry, cry, cry._

 

 

_He quickly takes his left hearing aid when requested and prepares himself to test out the real sounds that are coming into his implanted right ear. He feels sad, when at first the only thing he hears is loud static, then low pitched sounds start, for a few seconds later being switched by sounds that Mark thinks it might be words._

 

 

_In the next few minutes the sounds become more recognizable. Mark is looking at his audiologist, lip reading what he is saying because it helps him to make more sense of the sounds and it helps his brain to recognize the sounds as specific words. The words aren’t clear at all. It is like hearing someone talk with a mouth full of food._

 

 

_Jackson cast his attention by squeezing his shoulder and when his about to talk to Mark he stops him. "I don't understand much of what it's being said and the sounds are weird, robotic, monotonous and I want to hear you clearly. We can wait, right?" He gets flicked in the forehead and when he hears the weird sound of his voices he almost chokes. "I sound like freaking Darth Vader!"_

 

 

_Mark's homework over the next two weeks will be to try out some simple words and manage to understand what is being said without lip reading. To add words spoken by different voices and to start absorbing environmental sounds around the house and in the neighborhood. He leaves with the doctor words telling him that he may not understand the words yet, but he hears them, he just needs some practice. Mark feels even better when he says that it is normal for the sounds to be that way and in no time they will become smoother and softer, and ding ding ding, Mark is now a normal human being!_

 

 

 

 

Mark is now at Jackson's home, looking at the TV he can hear paper crackling when the actor wrinkles it and throws it to the bin, but it is not very clear yet, just muffled. Jackson is on the computer and the tap tap of the keyboard is the coolest thing ever and Mark jumps at Jackson, rubbing his cheek on his chest, and freezes for a second. 

 

 

Because what the heck is he hearing?

 

 

_What weird sound is this?_

 

 

_Soft hands grab his face and Mark looks up at Jackson, who signs to him with teary eyes. "That is my heart beating, Mark. Can you hear it? It beats only for you."_

 

 

_Right now Mark doesn't really care that this is so fucking cheesy he could trow up, he just wants to take a nap with the sound of Jackson heartbeat lulling him, and that is exactly what he does._

 

 

_Like that it become a habit for Mark to let himself fall asleep to the steady sound of Jackson's heartbeat. Mark was glad, specially when he had trouble falling asleep, all the nightly sounds creep upon his brain, making almost impossible for him to sleep. How could he, he used to hear nothing and now the sound he wished so much to hear were keeping him awake. The funny thing was that Mark didn't need to say anything, Jackson would just push him against his chest, hands slowly rubbing behind his ear and sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy was all Mark could feel, that and the thump thump against his ear._

 

 

 

 

 

Mark his having difficulty to understand what Kunpimook is saying and it's when Jaebum throws a dictionary at the younger and Jinyoung runs to cover his ears that Mark starts to think that something is very wrong. Jackson is just helplessly rolling on the floor, hands covering his mouth to muffle his laugh, Mark bats Jinyoung's hands away and looks around when he hears his name being call out.

 

 

_"Mark," Youngjae calls but he's talking to quickly and Mark can't keep up and gets frustrated. He just wants to understand. Jackson sees the frown and gently pulls him up from the couch and brings him to the kitchen, when Mark sits on the chair, surprise, surprise, he hears the thing creak. He jumps and brings a hand to his chest._

 

 

_"Is the chair going to collapse? Omg, did this happen every time? And you let me seat on it?"_

 

 

_"Idiot!" and a cheese toast his in front of him, and Mark smiles, because he now can hear the bread crunching._

 

 

_"What did Kunpimook said?" Mark asks and Jackson chokes, juice running down his chin and Mark wants to lick it and fuck this his bad... He grabs a napkin instead and cleans it for Jackson, because he is sweet like that._

 

 

_"Kunpimoo-"_

 

 

_"Don't you dear Jackson Wang! Not my precious baby Mark!"_

 

 

 

 

Three months later, Mark still as a long way to go, getting used to the creaks going up the stairs, the flop of shoes, the clunk of a door closing, the chirping of the kettle when the water is hot. He got a scare when Jackson took him to a walk and the subway door closed giving away the loud musical notes. But the worst of all was how distracting everything was, everything was so loud and jumbled, one hour later he was so exhausted that Jackson had to piggyback him home.

 

 

But his friends were the best and were always there for him, except Kunpimook who was banned by Jinyoung, of being alone with him. Mark was still trying to figure out what had he said. They started with simple exercises and to his amazement, he got most of them right, he was quite good at short sentences, but some words still sounded weird.

 

 

Music is one of the most complex sounds around and it is the most challenging series of sounds for an implant. The doctor suggested that Mark should play a very simple melody several times until he recognized the notes. So after Jackson played a very poor version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the piano, that gave him a headache, Mark did it himself, but all the notes sounded exactly the same and they most definitely did not sound like music, it was more like aliens playing electronic keyboards with their arses...

 

 

Mark swears to everything that is important in his life, that he will not walk around this jungle alone anymore, not even to go to buy  _ "Just some sugar and eggs, I want to make something sweet." Because it was scary and he couldn't turn off all the sounds and Jackson wasn't there with him, and people are so loud, and omg that almost made his heart stop, why are you honking when I'm on the crosswalk? _

 

 

_The laughs and the screams made his legs tremble and his stomach churns, so with sweaty hands he does the only thing he can think off and texts Jackson, who is in school but who cares? Mark doesn't._

 

 

_ 'Fuck Jackson, this is really too much and why am I so scared, it's kind of embarrassing, but please come and get me?' _

 

 

_'Where are u?' Comes barely ten seconds later and Mark lets out a relieved sigh and a thousand thank you's._

 

 

_'Grocery store, the one near the ice cream place'_

 

 

_'Five minutes, ok?'_

 

 

_'Make it one!'_

 

 

_'Sure, let me just use my teleportation powers and it will only take a second, look behind you!'_

 

 

_In Mark's defense it was reflex, so he does look..._

 

 

_'Looser, I cant believe that worked... :p'_

 

 

 

 

Mark had a speech perception test where he sits in front of a set of speakers and tries to repeat back words, and full sentences to the audiologist, and when in the end the doctor his smiling at him brightly and Jackson signs  _ I'm so so so proud of you Mark _ , _ he cries.  _

 

 

_Because six months later Mark is getting better, so much better that he could finally hear Jinyoung sing clearly and Jaebum's wails, that are exactly the same, Youngjae quiet voice, Kunpimook's not so subtle innuendos, as Yugyeom puts it. Mark just pretends not to listen most of the time, so they can all be happy and Jinyoung can live his life smiling..._

 

 

_"You have made a great recovery, Mark. Nothing more we can do, you are now a successful case of a cochlear implant. I wish you the best on your life." Mark is still crying, in reality sobbing, when he and Jackson leave the hospital. He looks at Jackson and remembers, Mark remembers he can talk on the phone now, he can hold conversations when in group, he can hear music, he can watch TV and go to the cinema, he can hear, Mark can hear, hear, hear, hear._

 

 

_They are in a park, the sound of the birds twittering around, the soft laugh of children and the warning of the parents, the ush ush of the wind, it calms Mark and Jackson looks him in the eyes and talks. For the first time ever, after so long, Jackson talks and a shiver raced up Mark's spine at the words that left his lips. It was like he was in the middle of a symphony. Tones and notes being thrown around like the air he uses to breath, the colors exploding in front of his eyes._

 

 

_"Say that again," he said._

 

 

_Jackson drew back, meeting his eyes. "Say what?"_

 

 

_"That I'm yours."_

 

 

_Jackson's brows furrowed before a spark of understanding smoothed them out once more. "You are mine," he said quietly._

 

 

_A slow smile spread over Mark's lips. "Yes. Yes, I like that. A lot."_

 

 

_Jackson chuckled and what a wonderful sound it is, so full of energy and eagerness, but so soft and hesitant, quietly fluttering in the breeze. "I know you do."_

 

 

_"We are disgusting, you know that?" Mark said, poking Jackson on the cheek._

 

 

_ Jackson nods in knowledge. "Utterly nauseating."  _ _ That voice alone was a sonata, a glimmering of harshs and softs, something feral anduntamable, the beginning of a new thing that Mark had troubles to grasp, but it made him so happy. _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

( _"Omg your voice... I knew it!"_ )

 

 

 


End file.
